Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Randomize