we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Randomize
