That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
