Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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