Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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