So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
