Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
