i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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