Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
