My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
