i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Randomize
