Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Why are your pants in the freezer?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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