Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
