so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
