Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
