So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
