soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Drake has all the answers
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
