i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
