think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
