Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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