Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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