I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
