you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
This baby is an asshole
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
