Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
