What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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