Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
