My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
