hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
