i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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