All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
