Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
