That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Randomize
