What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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