I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
