Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
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