I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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