Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
