Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
