There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
