I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
