I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
