when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
