that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
