Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
