Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
