So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
