i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
