she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
