I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
