Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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