I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
