There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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