so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
