Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
