Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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