So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize