All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize