It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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