They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
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