Do vagina's smell?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
