I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Slut skills are useful in every country.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
