You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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