piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
