Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
