A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Randomize
