It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
