i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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